Why don’t more businesses have drive-up windows?  Those easy, wonderful portals into a magical realm where you get what you need without getting out of your car.

Because I have two kids.  And I’m lazy.  And, while I am too afraid of the answer to ask, I am pretty certain we are not allowed back into our neighborhood Fry’s after the Grape Juice Incident.

Could we have legislation, say “The Parents Act 2015” HB5098, which mandates drive up windows at all businesses?  They make laws for everything else in our lives!  Why not something practical like this?

Here are a few illustrations of my dream.  Instead of placing an order for a Big Mac and fries, I could drive up, relaxed and happy…

“Welcome to Home Depot.  Can I start you off with our paint of the day, ‘Mandarin’?”

Not to be rude, I’d pretend to ponder this for a quick second, “Um, not today.”

“We also have nails on sale.  Can I get you some nails?”

“Thank you, no. I’d like a hammer and six two-by-fours.  Oh, and a can of WD40.”

“That’ll be twenty-four ninety-seven at the first window,” the scratchy voice would reply.  “Please drive forward.”

And, another dream…

“Welcome to Casino Royale.  Would you like to try our ten dollar Instant Win Slot Machine located just to your left?”

“No, thank you.”

“How many chips can I have ready for you?”

“Fifty dollars.”

“Confirming, fifty dollars.  Please drive to the first window.”

And, after relinquishing my payment, I could drive to the next window and bet ten dollars on black at the roulette table.  Just keep driving around and around to the windows until I was rich or ran out of gas.  Hopefully, they’d comp me a diet Coke in there somewhere.

And my penultimate dream.  Just drive up and…

“Welcome to KidzWorld, would you like to try our ‘Weekend in Paradise’ babysitting extravaganza?”

Sigh, because I already know I can’t afford it, “No, thank you.”

“How many are you dropping off?”

“One large and one small.”

“How long?”

“All day.”

“Please drive forward to the first window…”