Ah, I see I need to vacuum. I get out the machine and vacuum for a whole 2.3 minutes before I realize it will go better if I pick up the thirty-eight blocks, ninety-seven Legos, fifteen toy cars and twelve cat toys from the floor (approximate count for living room only; more toys in the kitchen, dining room and hallways).

So I pick up thirty-eight blocks, ninety-seven Legos, fifteen toy cars, twelve cat toys… and a fork.  Wait, a fork? Well, this belongs in my dishwasher, so I take it to the kitchen, and seeing all the dishes in the sink, realize I should run a dishwasher load while I vacuum. But I’m out of dishwasher-hide-from-children-they’re-not-candy-pods and go out to the garage to get some.

Whereupon I notice that the recycling bin is overflowing, so I take that out. Reentering the garage, it’s obvious that it needs to be swept. I start sweeping and remember I left the diapers in the trunk. I set down the broom, head inside with the diapers, and remember I didn’t get the dishwasher-hide-from-children-they’re-not-candy-pods. I set the diapers on the kitchen counter and head back to the garage, where I suddenly remember that I want to hang that picture. I grab the hammer and a nail and, oh yes, the dishwasher-hide-from-children-they’re-not-candy-pods, and go back inside.  I put a dishwasher pod in the machine and see the cats are out of Crunchy Bites. As I fill their bowl, I remember I also left the dog food in the trunk, so it’s out to the garage again. Returning with the dog food, I observe a wilted plant, so I put it in the sink to get watered.

I go to the spare bedroom to retrieve the picture I need to hang and see that I never stripped the bed after our last house guest.  As I pull the sheets off the bed, I see some things I can throw out to make the room look tidier, and take them to the closest trash can, which is in the bathroom.  Whereupon I notice that the mirror has been toddlerized with soap and has lost its reflective qualities.  I get the glass cleaner from under the sink, but I don’t have a paper towel, so I go to the kitchen for one, where I remember to start the dishwasher.

At which point the baby wakes up, and I sit down to nurse her, thinking about all the things I need to finish. When she is finally full, burped and asleep, I go to the closet for the step stool I need to hang the picture. But the closet also contains a stack of papers waiting to be shredded, so I start to take them to the shredder, but when I nearly trip on the cord to the vacuum, I remember that I REALLY need to vacuum, so I resume vacuuming for a whole 2.3 minutes until I realize it’s time for my toddler’s dinner….

…and that’s how I get nothing done.