Some days nothing—absolutely nothing—goes right. The days you desperately need things to go smoothly…and they don’t. Every single thing you try to do is like swimming upstream through maple syrup with zip ties holding your ankles together. Wide-open doors are suddenly slammed shut in your face. Friends mean well, but don’t understand or are busy with their own lives.
A good self-help book could provide comfort; if you could still your mind long enough to read it. Because really, there is no one but you with boots on the ground.
How do you keep going when doors are slammed in your face at every turn? It isn’t always easy, but I have assembled a guide of my most helpful strategies and resources for when times are toughest. I hope at least one can help!
—Chocolate, pizza, or any other high calorie, low nutrition food of your choice. The key is to take a bite every time you feel stressed or depressed. The next part—and this is crucial–do not stop if you feel full or bloated! If you are one of “those” people, I want to affirm that celery or carrot sticks don’t count! A “food coma” marks success here.
—Alcohol. Like the first recommendation, excess is the key here, as well. Because if there is any hint of that pesky sobriety then drinking your way to happiness may not work, so keep drinking until it goes away. Until everything goes away!
—Gambling. Preferably this is done at a casino, though online can be substituted in an emergency. High stakes games are the best; nothing takes your mind off your problems as much as new problems—such as how will you now pay the mortgage after gambling away the paycheck that was earmarked for it.
—Shopping. Even if you aren’t up to leaving the house for a little “shop therapy” can still be achieved as long as you Wi Fi is still up and running.
—Computer Games. Pick your poison on this one. Something old school like Centipede or Space Invaders or something new and like Pokemon or Call of Duty. One million computer nerds can’t be wrong!
—Chain smoking. Pick a pack of cigarettes, any brand, invest in the forty-or-so dollars they cost after taxes, and light one up one after another. The cloud of smoke will surround your troubles and help you choke them out of your life.
—Jerry Springer. Whatever is going on in your life, you will be hard-pressed to beat the over-the-top drama of a Springer guest. You will also probably have a much lower fistfight to conflict ratio than any of their guests. Take a couple episodes and call me in the morning.
You can get through the tough times in life! You can do it! And my handy guide will stock your resiliency toolbox for just such tough times.