My Wi-Fi kept crashing, the culprit being my very old router, and I ordered a new one.  It sat neatly in its Amazon Prime box for weeks after a brief glimpse of sunlight when I had looked at it and quickly put it away, like coiled snake whose bite I didn’t want to chance.  Sadly, my five year old knows computer stuff better than I do, but at this time is not proficient in hooking up routers; he would rather kill zombies on his tablet.

Finally one bright Sunday morning, after a week without internet, and no more data left on my cell phone, I could wait no more.  I opened the box, and sat on the floor next to my entertainment center where my modem lives and the nice internet signal enters my abode.  A good neighborhood for any router to live in!

So, I bravely began by unhooking cables and the power supply from the spaghetti-looking mess of cords and multiple power strips behind entertainment center.  I checked what seemed to be hooked to what, and carefully reproduced the connections as best I could, crawling back and forth between the front and the back, all with my son periodically on my lap, pausing sporadically to stop my still-nursing toddler from removing my shirt, retrieve lost kid and pet toys, and vacuum up several years of dust bunnies.  Somewhere in there, a wire from my DVD’s Surround Sound came unplugged and I used my phone light—in the nanoseconds between it repeatedly shutting itself off—and a mirror to hook it to something that might have been where it had been before.  Eventually, I was pleased and there were no extra parts.  Okay, one extra cord, but since the new router came with a cord, I didn’t count that.  I was ready for the next step.

The problem was I needed to register my router on the Internet, only I didn’t seem to have Internet, which is why I was replaced the router in the first place.   I figured I could use some of my miniscule remaining data to get it going, but the Router Gods didn’t like that option.  It was time for some phone support.  I called my friend.

Not understanding my technical terms regarding what I had done so far, like “cord thingy kinda where I think the other one was”, and my admission that some of the cords had gone in “slightly out of order” my friend said he would be right over. Ten minutes later, seven of which were me trying to explain what I had done, he was finished, I have internet and owe him a beer.

And that’s how I almost set up my router.