People who don’t know me probably think my large sports utility vehicle is usually dirty because I am a Mom who works in and out of the house and is busy, but that is just a small portion of it…

I have a few strange phobias, and there is the realistic one: I am afraid of the automatic carwash.  It isn’t so much that I am scared that it will fall down around me, and crush me and my big SUV.  That is a silly and irrational fear–because what are the odds of that happening–unlike what I really fear about it.

For one, the people running it crowd too many cars too close together.  The more cars they put through every hour, the more money they will make. So, it only makes sense that they will try to space the cars too close together.

The second thing I don’t trust is the machinery that takes over after I put my SUV in neutral.  How do I know it will keep me equidistant from the vehicles in front and behind me. Who is to say it won’t suddenly scrunch somewhere and send me careening through the soapy bubbles into the rear of the unsuspecting driver’s car ahead of me?  Or the car behind me straight into my back seat?  

With all the soap pouring on my unsuspecting car, I won’t be able to see anything, and will be completely helpless to avert disaster.

Then, if I emerge with my family and my car in one piece, there is the drama and questioning of when I can take my car out of neutral and resume control.  Some of these have a “stoplight”, that will change green when it’s time.  But will it?  Will I rip up my transmission or something shifting into Drive too soon?  (Because I don’t want to wait for the car behind me to get me!)

If someone is waiting at the other end to towel dry, that brings more fear of improper spacing.  I won’t run over the person with the dryish towel, but I am silently rooting for him to quickly finish before he car behind me catches up. 

And, don’t even get me started on the fears from five seasons of Breaking Bad.   What if the car wash I choose is like the A1A Car Wash and laundering way more than cars?  I honestly already had enough to worry about!

I hope, every time I go through with my kids, that no one else is aware of the danger and the probable bad parenting I am doing by exposing my kids to this risk.

Unlimited card?  Go through this more than a few times a year? No, thank you!  I bought a neutral colored car for a reason!