My path to Superhero Status began, not with a Peter Parker-like spider bite, nor a rocket ship flying me off of my dying planet, but with a rescue dog and a small (yet very important!) bone in my knee called the patella.

Thanks to my short-lived and unsuccessful flying career, I have taken on a new persona as a Superhero: CrutchMaster J.

I came to this name after a short, yet deeply thoughtful, search. “Crutch Mistress”, while more gender appropriate, sounds too much like my S and M work name, so I had to pass). I had to pass on “Madame Unileg” as it brought back memories of the horrible, media titled “Unibomber” from days of old. “Trying Not To Fall (Again) Lady” was just too lengthy, and brought to mind the commercials for the senior citizen who had fallen and couldn’t get back up. (I got back up, yes I did…and then the doctor told me to sit back down and my knee agreed).

My newly developed super powers are many:

–Carrying Things with Two Fingers and My Chin (while the rest of my digits are involved with my remaining serviceable leg making the rest of ambulatory possible)

–Power of Child Direction (not my strongest power as the listening and ability to follow through powers are not always up to the ability of me to give direction)

–Power of Getting Things Done While Sitting on My Butt on My Couch.

–Power of Launching Myself Sideways into my small car, and swinging my leg inside without hitting anything with a brace locked at zero degrees.

–Power of Instant Hyperventilation, when I think a child or pet is about to touch my leg.

–Power of Ordering Online (just look at my Amazon and Walmart accounts for proof of this; with GrubHub running in a healthy third place)

My arch-nemesis is not kryptonite, but water. It won’t make me melt like the witch in the Wizard of Oz but does make me cringe in terror at the idea of crutches instantly flying out from under me. I do feel a bit of kinship with those witches, however.

I will hopefully be relinquishing this title in six to twelve weeks, though I believe my new powers will always be with me.